I’ve been dating white men. It’s something that is foreign to me, something that I never thought I’d be doing, but I’m in the era of my life where I’m open to new shit, learning from everything, and expanding these horizons. For those of you who don’t know, I am half white. I do not harbour any feelings of disdain towards my white side, in fact, I openly embrace the parts of myself that are considered “white”. My lack of interest in white men has simply stemmed from fear of these two things:
I watch so many crime shows and listen to a ton of true crime podcasts, and 9.5 times outta 10, it’s a white man who is the culprit (I wanna survive life lol)
If I do decide to procreate, I’m considerably concerned about how my children would look (3 quarters white and 1 quarter black.. sounds like a disaster to me - although I do have a friend with children of this mix and they’re cute af)
I have channeled the white man inside of me (yes, that was a double entendre) to create a piece I call, “The 10 White Commandments”. I am FULLY aware that moving through the world as a white man is an impossible task unless you are… a white man, but these lessons are great when employed with tact. Feel free to pinpoint the gems that work for your unique situation and leave everything else behind. My takes, my opinions, my views, my writing are all meant to provoke thought. To me, there’s something about short-form content that is just so alluring; it’s enough to stimulate ideas, but not so much as to be overwhelming.
Let me put y’all on some game. (Please don’t cancel me for this).
1. Believe That You Can Do ANYTHING.
Unwavering confidence; there’s a reason why this is the first commandment. The one true, universal trait that white men possess, across the board, is confidence. So many of us second guess our talents and dreams, allowing them to slip to the wayside. It is correct when they say; we have to work twice as hard just to receive half as much, however, with no skin in the game, it’s impossible to win. Growth is the key. Sure, you’re going to be “shit” at first (or maybe not, hopefully), but honey, with each and every move you’ll be less “shit”. Thus, with practice, purpose, and persistence, you can do ANYTHING!
2. Just go for it.
Stop overthinking! There is only so much theoretical planning you can do without getting those little fingers dirty - DIG IN. A preliminary risk analysis is key. What experience do you need and what are you willing to put on the line to get that experience? Be honest with yourself, and follow your gut. Remember, sometimes you have to put down the “good” to pick up the “great”. Greatness requires space.
3. Use your privilege.
Analyze every situation and look for the areas where you have an advantage (whatever that might be). Am I actually saying this? It’s kinda icky, yes.. but hear me out. As long as you can understand your privilege and are employing said privilege to leverage the greater good, go for it. I’m a huge advocate in establishing oneself and then kicking in the door, wavin’ the four-four. Have a clear vision of your agenda, stay tapped in, hold that shit close to your chest until the perfect time and opportunity to release it.
4. Let the “no’s” roll off like they’re nothing.
Please don’t let the prospective “no” keep you stagnant. Each and every “no” means that you’re getting closer to a “yes”. It’s hella important to stop and reflect with every “no” you get, though. Is it a “you” thing? Is there something in your game that needs to be tweaked? Are you simply not talking to the right people? Fuck feelings of discouragment, adopt an open and inquisitive mindset, high vibrations only. Don't stop, get it, get it.
5. Say “no” to shit that you don’t wanna do.
If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. Simple. Guard your time, energy, and resources at all costs. This doesn’t mean that you can’t make exceptions, but it’s so easy to get caught up in the “being of service to others” role. Before agreeing to do something, ask yourself, “is this in alignment with the direction that I’m going in?” The same way you schedule your work meetings, or book off time to help a friend move, schedule time for yourself with yourself; we’re talking household tasks, chill time, movie nights, whatever floats your boat.
6. Drop anything that is no longer serving you.
It’s the art of the “pivot”, baby. Do it quickly and unapologetically. I can definitely relate to this, I was notorious for spinning my wheels and obsessing over attaining a specific outcome. It’s easy to get comfortable, not so easy to switch things up and step into the unknown. Travel light, the less you have weighing you down, the better. What/who do you need to drop?
7. Be upfront with your expectations.
Be clear and deliberate (with finesse, ofcourse). Don’t be afraid to detail your expectations and set the bar to your standard. You make the choice of what to do with anything and everything that falls below your requirements. The universe has a funny way of meeting you with exactly what you want, so be specific and empower your deepest desires.
8. Time is not to be wasted.
Nothing is more valuable than your time. Take your time seriously and trust that others will fall in line. Think about how your time is best spent, this can start with something as simple as an audit at the end of each day. Trust me, it won’t take long to spot the patterns and areas for improvement. The potentially complex part is tailoring your days to work in your favour; trial and error is a foolproof method - time consuming, but foolproof.
9. Put your own needs first (whenever possible).
(disclaimer: I don’t have any dependents. I’m fully aware that not everyone can thoroughly exercise this commandment). If your friend calls you to say that they’re stranded because their gas tank is empty, are you going to drive to them and give them the gas in your tank? Probably not. If you have the means to be of service (money to help fill them up, or a CAA membership to help with a tow), by all means, help them out. Many of us are guilty of giving what we don’t have. Please don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm.
10. Money talks, but is never loud.
This one has a two-fold meaning:
A.) Take your money seriously. If you have a business, don’t be afraid to charge for your services. I’m totally guilty of not wanting to charge my friends or people that I know personally for my time and skills, and even second guessing my pricing with complete strangers.
What is this telling the universe?
That I don’t see the monetary value in my time and skills.
Trust me, pretty baby, the moment you start valuing yourself, things will begin falling in line. There are always going to be people who will try talking you down on your price (figuratively and literally), and it’s up to you how you respond.
B.) As “new money”, it’s easy to wanna ball out on everything you were never able to afford. Ain’t nothing wrong with treating yourself. Most of the people that I’ve met who actually “have it”, rarely show it. But I’m not counting your pockets…