Love is Blind: Season 5, has taught me so many valuable lessons about love, relationships, self-worth and just how much to compromise (or sacrifice) before throwing in the towel. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, it’s literal blind dating. A group of eligible men and women date each other through “pods”: voices and vibes, but no visuals. The objective of the show is to leave “engaged”, at which point you finally meet your match, exchange rings & kisses, then go on a bae-cation before adjusting back to “normal life”… with your partner. A few weeks in, you make the final decision to either get married OR call it quits.
The Purpose of Today’s Piece/Peace
It’s often the default to dive deep into the personalities of reality tv stars, passing judgement, and rallying for accountability, but that’s all low hanging fruit (in my humble opinion). The key for me, is drawing personal lessons from the on-screen bullshit to equip our own arsenals. Whether it’s that “aha” moment, where you’re like, “damn, I’ve been the toxic one before”, or yelling loving words through the screen that we could actually use for ourselves. I want to share some of my main takeaways and reminders for my crew, my people! Enjoy:
1. I’m not one of your little friends (aka don't yell at me)
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment - voices can elevate, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m referencing the moments where you’re being spoken at, and not spoken to/with - when there’s a clear imbalance of power. If your partner resorts to yelling or belittling you during disagreements, please address this behaviour straight away. Yelling and screaming are not normal, it’s not okay, it’s not something that one can blame on culture or upbringing. Please don’t enable them.
2. Who are youuuu? (aka you ain’t my daddy)
Okay, so there was a moment on the show where things were getting pretty serious in the pods. One of the men asked his love interest if she’d ever cheated in the past. She answered, “yes”, and was truthful to all of his follow up questions. This resulted in nothing but reprehension. I was fully taken aback, as this woman shared every detail and each ounce of truth that he sought out - all of which was used against her to make her feel inadequate and like a terrible person. He spoke down to her as if she was a child, and basically told her that she wasn’t shit. Someone who loves you will hold you accountable, but give you grace so long as you are truthful and illustrate growth/change. Past actions and mistakes, especially those you have learned from, are not to be weaponized. Healthy relationships involve forgiveness and support for personal growth rather than dwelling on the past.
3. You said what? (aka if they make you feel insecure, run)
Keep reading, because this very thing happens season after season on this show; at the “great reveal” one of the partners isn’t quite satisfied with the physical appearance of their match. This is bound to happen, but I cringe at the people who underhandedly verbalize their disappointment with hurtful comments and/or passive aggressive jokes. It pains me to see the reaction of the person on the receiving end. A romantic partner is someone who should make you feel sexy, confident, and self-assured. A good partner is someone who will help you build past your insecurities instead of habouring on them. If you consistently feel insecure, unworthy, or like the receiver of constant criticism, it may be a toxic relationship, boo - lace up those Nikes, it’s time to make a move.
4. Pillow talk of the past (aka beware of how your partner talks about past partners)
Pay attention to how they speak about their past relationships. If they consistently badmouth their exes or blame them for everything that went wrong.. RED FLAG. We wanna look for the people who take responsibility for their actions and demonstrate progress. Accountability is key, and growth is what we’re pursuing. There’s something so hot about someone who can admit when they’ve been wrong and list the ways that they’ve improved.
5. Love is not blind (aka but what’re you like in real life?)
While the concept of love being blind is central to the show, it’s evident that in-person chemistry plays a significant role in maintaining a successful connection, this applies to long distance and online dating alike. Have you ever done the online dating thing, gone back and forth over messages with someone for weeks, and when you finally met up, the vibes just didn’t match?
I’d like to be very clear here, I’m not referring to physical attraction or looks (because for everyone, that’s different), I’m talking about that in-person, face-to-face, feel-my-vibe type stuff. The dangerous part is that these relationships foster development in just one realm, so fast and deep, which doesn’t always provide the most feasible foundation for a “real” connection (physical and emotional).
If you haven’t tuned into the show, it’s a really good watch. Exactly what you’d expect; cheesy, trashy, and filled with drama (don’t ever let anyone shame you for loving these types of shows, lol). I’m curious to see what love lessons you all draw from this season. Meet you in the comments below